How to Get a Date

… in Seven Easy Steps

So, you or someone you know is wondering how to get a date, find true love, and avoid an embarrassing debacle? You’ve come to the right place!

The following tips and techniques are things I’ve learned over the past few years that have, I am glad to say, worked out extremely well.  (hi sweetie  🙂 )

These 7 simple steps will help you find and get a date (and probably a great one) within just a few days. It really is this simple!

How to Get a Date – Step 1 – Get Over Yourself

This is the hardest thing for most people to do. It sure was for me. Here are the basics:

  • Going on one date with someone is not a big deal.
  • A date is a great chance to see how effective your first-impression skills are. Contrary to popular belief, a date is not some deep evaluation of who you are and whether or not you matter within the vastness of the cosmos – its just an exercise in first impression skills. Dating actually has very little to do with your nebulous and innermost secrets, so even when a first date doesn’t turn out very well (which happens most of the time for everyone), its not like you should feel bad about yourself.  It isn’t a rejection of you – some stranger just didn’t like your 30 minute first impression.
  • One date is not worth getting nervous about, telling 10 friends about, or requiring a $500 haircut. Its just a 30 minute exercise in first-impression skills you may not have practiced for awhile.
  • Don’t worry that you’ll hurt the other person’s feelings if things don’t work out. Yes, you’re a fantastic person, but not so fantastic that the person you just sipped coffee with for 30 minutes will be doomed to a lifetime of infinite regret and sadness when you don’t call them back! You’re not the Messiah, Mr/Ms Irreplacable, or the kind of person someone will pine over for decades.  No-one is (at least, not after 30 minutes.)  (except to complete psychos.)  So just get over yourself. Unsuccessful dates are a regular part of dating. Always be 100% polite, honest, and courteous with people, but to avoid dating just because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings is a false self-centered vanity that’s just plain dumb.  Yet, plenty of folks I know avoid dating for this precise reason…

How to Get a Date – Step 2 – Find A Willing Partner

Contrary to common belief, this is exceptionally easy to do. The world is absolutely stacked with people like you – people with niche interests, specific values, dreams for the future, etc. The trick is finding them. This mainly involves knowing where to look.

Luckily for you, there’s this thing called “the internet.” It really makes life easy for finding other people who are also looking for dates. In fact, there are whole “websites” dedicated to it. Not only that, but these “websites” on “the internet” let you zero in on characteristics that are important to you, such as location, age, hobbies, values, and so on.  Compared to scouting in a bar or looking for a partner in the grocery store, this is unbelievably easy.

There are tons of websites available where 1000’s or 1,000,000’s of people have posted profiles you can browse through.  They’re 100% safe and most are free.  Several great options are listed lower in this post.

For best success, I recommend creating profiles on several sites (at least 4; make very non-revealing profiles if this idea makes you nervous; post no photos and use an abstract screen name like “summer rain” or “curious71”), trying out the search features, flirting a bit, and simply getting familiar with the terrain. The reason for this is simple: the sooner you understand the rules of the online dating game, the sooner you’re likely to succeed.

Now, here’s an important point that may the most important idea in this whole post: getting dates from a website is nothing like getting dates at the bar, in school, at a party, through friends, etc. All of the rules of engagement are different. So are the tricks you can use to make yourself seem attractive and stand out from the crowd. If you try getting dates from a website the same way you’d get dates at a party, you’re doomed to fail, simply because the context is so different.

So, if you’re serious about getting dates, accept that the rules have changed, and are open to learning how to present yourself in today’s dating world (so that you don’t inadvertently look like a loser), here are 10 simple tips:

  • How to Find a Date – Tip #1 – Create several profiles on several websites. Use different screen names for each site and don’t provide super-obvious clues about who you are (like your real name or a blatant mug shot.)  Do at least 4. (Yes, 4!!!!) This will let you teach yourself how to describe yourself the most smoothly and attractively. Filling out a personal profile may seem tricky or heavily emotional at first, but after you’ve spent 15 minutes doing it 4 times, you’ll be WAY more skilled than when you started. Trust me!

 

  • How to Find a Date – Tip #2 – Create several profiles on several websites, part 2. This will show you an important fact. No single website has all of the singles from your city. If you want access to all of the available singles in your neighborhood, including the ones most compatible for you, you’re going to have to check out several sites. Yeah, its a bit of a hassle, but it increases your chances of finding a good match like crazy.

 

  • How to Find a Date – Tip #3 – Create several profiles on several websites, part 3. Very quickly, you’ll find a few singles listed on multiple sites as well. Typically, each profile will highlight a different aspect of the person’s character, providing clues for compatibility (and even highlighting dishonesty in some cases.) This can help you screen for potentially good matches or disaster-avoidance pretty quickly.

 

  • How to Find a Date – Tip #4 – Create at least 1 profile of the opposite gender. Huh?!?!?! That’s right – if you’re a guy, make a quick female profile, or vice versa. Why?? Because you will learn how things actually work REALLY QUICKLY. You’ll see all the lame pick-up lines your competition use, all the lame photos they post, and all the super-lame mistakes they make. Its actually pretty hilarious how lame people your own gender can be! Then, you can learn from their mistakes and promise not to repeat any of their errors EVER. Honestly, THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS YOU CAN DO. Then, neatly delete this ‘educational’ profile after 2 weeks and never tell a soul what you’ve done! 🙂
  • How to Find a Date – Tip #5 – If you’re going to post photos, choose good ones. If you’re not sure what’s good, ask an honest friend. Bad pics are baaaaaaaaaaaaaad news. Its better to have no pics than bad pics.
  • How to Find a Date – Tip #6 – Try keeping your privacy. Personally, I don’t like the idea of having my picture, name, or personal details on a dating site for the whole wide world to see. There’s nothing wrong with using the privacy options provided by each dating site, which are typically bullet-proof. You can still easily get dates.
  • How to Find a Date – Tip #7 – Use verbs in your descriptions, not nouns. Not “I am a runner” but, “I like to run” or “I run faster than a spaniel”. Not “I’m a cook”, but “I assemble vegetables for a living.” Verbs add an instant sizzle to any profile, no matter how boring your life may be.
  • How to Find a Date – Tip #8 – Be creative. Highlight several unrelated aspects of your personality. This is what makes you attractive. Whatever you do, don’t say things like “I watch tv” or “I’m pretty normal”. What the heck kind of person finds that description attractive?  Unless you’re trying to attract boring trash, that is… 😉
  • How to Find a Date – Tip #9 – Flirt around online a lot. It doesn’t hurt anyone, plus its fun. Plus, your first-impression skills will improve quickly.
  • How to Find a Date – Tip #10 – Don’t take things too seriously. People can smell a wet blanket a mile away. Nothing kills your chances of having fun like not having fun!

How to Get a Date – Step 3 – Start Asking People Out, Today

Ask lots of people, ask frequently, and ask without being too picky. Don’t get obsessed over little details or the slim chance of finding true happiness in any one specific date. You may have to ask 10 people out before you get an acceptance.  Being overly stingy with your invitations is just bad technique.

Once you’ve managed to get 3-5 dates under your belt, you’ll realize how easy it is.  Honest.  Then, you’ll be one cool and confident dating machine. But first, you have to get dates #1, 2, and 3 out of the way, which simply involves getting off your butt and asking people out. (If this sounds hard to you, you really need to get the first few dates out of the way, even if you’re not very interested in any particular person.  Trust me, it gets way easier in a hurry!)

Special note for computer geeks and sociophobes: If you are only chatting with people online, poking each other through facebook, or swapping emails, you’re not really dating them.  You’re just being creepy.  Dating involves actually meeting people that are in the same room as you, so start scouting out neighborhood coffee shops, find a clean shirt, and make some appointments.

The web is great for connecting with people, but not for having a relationship.

How to Get a Date – Step 4 – Limit Your Downside Risk

The best way to avoid having a disastrous date is to follow 4 simple rules:

  • A first date has to have the option of gracefully ending after 30 minutes.
  • A first date has to have the option of costing less than $5.
  • A first date has to be somewhere public and 100% safe.
  • If you’re really nervous about things, a first date can happen in a location that’s not in your neighborhood (so you don’t bump into someone you know…)

Following these simple rules, even if your date is a complete disaster, you’re only out $5 and half an hour. If you can’t deal with $5 and 30 minutes, you’re going to be single for a long time.

Typically, this means meeting someone for a coffee/tea or possibly meeting someplace for desert. Or, depending on the weather, tacking on a stroll or perusing a free outdoor event (a summer street festival or public scenic route.) But that’s it – nothing more complicated for date #1.

Dinner, a movie, a concert, or active/complex events are all bad options because they’re more expensive and you can’t duck out early. These are potentially good options for a 2nd or 5th date, but not for #1.  After all, what happens when you’re on the hook for $300 and a 4 hour-commitment but you already know the date is a failure after 3 minutes?

Also, make sure that your ‘date’ is really a date, not just a casual run-in at a bar or hanging out with a group of friends. Anything too casual is just a recipe for wasting your time and $. If someone won’t meet you 1-on-1 for an official date (they’re unwilling to admit that they’re going on a date with you or they won’t risk 30 minutes and $5 to meet you), they’re probably not worth your time anyway.

How to Get a Date – Step 5 – Goals of a Date

The first and most important goal of a first date is to find out if its worth having a second date! That’s it!

Aside from being honest and keeping things light, simply talk about pleasant stuff and ask the other person about various surface-ish aspects of themself.  Talk about hobbies, a fun trip you had, something you’re looking forward to next week, or something quirky you know how to do. It really isn’t that hard!

If your date goes well and you end up in a longer-term relationship, you’ll have plenty of time to express the depth of your emotional baggage over time. But keep it out of the first date. Stories about how you lost the third grade spelling bee, how much your femur hurts, or how sad you still are over the unexplained demise of your pet rabbit in 1994 have no business on a first date.  Same with conversations about politics, religion, economics, or family planning. Keep things light and keep things honest, but for goodness sake, be selective about what you talk about!   (You’d be amazed at how many people talk about stuff like this on dates…)

A first date shouldn’t go on forever. That’s what the 2nd and 153rd date are for. If you’re still there and 90 minutes have passed, get out ASAP! Be sure you state a reason for needing to leave (“I have to run an errand for a friend…” works well) and tell the other person that you had a good time, but make sure you leave while things are still good.

If you haven’t convinced someone that a 2nd date is a good idea after 90 minutes, you never will.

And that’s the only point of a first date!

How to Get a Date – Step 6 – Have Fun!

Have fun, learn from things that don’t go well, and repeat! Dating should be fun, and will be if you give it enough chances. Keep your downside risk low, scour the web for the top 50 singles in your area, start booking 3 appointments a weekend, and go have fun! 🙂

How to Get a Date – Step 6.5 – Places to Start Finding Date Prospects in 3-5 Minutes:

The following websites are all great places to start finding singles in your area. If you play your cards right, you can line up several dates for this weekend in no time!

How to Get a Date – Step 7 – GO DO IT!!

The the tips, techniques, and website links provided in this post provide you with everything you need to get a good date.  Regardless of how undesirable or nervous you may feel, there is no reason you can’t get a date within a week if you follow each of these steps, provided that you do one simple thing:

>>>  Go Do It  <<<

Gazing into your monitor, dreaming of how things could be, mentally crafting a clever profile, or other inactive activities ultimately don’t lead anywhere. Unless being single and alone on a Saturday night is where you’re trying to be, in which case following none of the tips in this post would be a very effective strategy.  😉

So seriously, if you would like to start meeting attractive singles and would like it to start happening as soon as possible, you have to actually start doing something about it.  And that means starting as soon as possible.  🙂

Which, according to my watch, likely means right now.

Happy Dating!!