Sneezl

What’s the biggest threat to life as we know it?

Zombies.

Look out.

Joe: We’re both broke.

Sue: Let’s each loan each other $100. You can spend your $100 since you know I owe you $100. I can spend mine since I know you owe me.

Joe: Cool. What should we call this so people take us seriously?

Sue: Something stuffy and official so it sounds legit.

Joe: How about “Credit Default Swap?” We’re swapping credit.

Sue: CDS for short.

Joe: Great. Now we’re not broke anymore, at least until other people find out what we’re doing.

Sue: That’ll never happen.

CDS is really happening around the world. Somehow we all owe each other billions of dollars. Don’t say you didn’t see the end of the game coming.

For more “truth is stranger than fiction”, see Casey Research.

Several huffy examples of what happens when beer, organists, and spare time converge:

Extraordinary realities more bizarre than fiction, this is the state of human organization as of August, 2011:

… can you find TV like this!

VIDEO ABOVE: fast forward to 1:00 and 3:30

The full length videos are good too!!

VIDEO BELOW: fast forward to 0:30 and 4:30

Once again it’s time for hockey pool fans to make their annual fantasy hockey draft preparations…

Given potential injuries to the game’s top player, who would you take if you get the #1 overall pick? Is an east-coast free agent acquisition this year’s #1 goalie? Can the 2011 playoff’s defensive scoring machine from San Jose keep up that pace over 82 games?

While no one can make a perfect hockey draft list, Sneezl will once again give it a try…

Fantasy Hockey’s 2011-2012 Top Goalie Picks

1. Marc-Andre Fleury
2. Roberto Luongo
3. Tomas Vokoun
4. Ilya Bryzgalov
5. Ryan Miller
6. Carey Price
7. Jimmy Howard
8. Jonas Hiller
9. Henrik Lundqvist
10. Corey Crawford

Other than Vancouver Canucks #1 Luongo, there is uncertainty up and down this list.  Will injuries hurt the Pens’ goal support?  Will Vokoun & the Caps fulfill expectations?  Will the Sabres match the play of their A+ goaltender?  And, of course, how many games will Tim Thomas play, or can he even get close to last year’s acrobatics?

Gone are the days of automatically picking Brodeur, Kiprusoff (still a great player, but the Flames may not win much this year…), or whoever dresses for the Red Wings!

Top 10 Fantasy Scoring Defensemen

1. Kris Letang
2. Lubomir Visnovsky
3. Mike Green
4. Alex Goligoski
5. Dan Boyle
6. Drew Doughty
7. Keith Yandle
8. Ryan Whitney
9. P.K. Subban
10. Christian Ehrhoff

Question marks also surround the #1 pivot, since Washington’s Mike Green could realistically produce 90 points or just 25. Oiler Ryan Whitney could rebound with a healthy season and improved forwards, also conceivably averaging an assist per game if all goes well. 

Real questions surrounding Markov, Gonchar, Streit, and Wisniewski will keep poolies guessing this year.  Don’t be surprised if John Carlson emerges as a premier blueline point producer this year either.

2011-12 Overall Top Fantasy Hockey Picks – Forwards

1. Sidney Crosby
2. Steven Stamkos
3. Corey Perry
4. Alex Ovechkin
5. Henrik Sedin
6. Daniel Sedin
7. Joe Thornton
8. Nicklas Backstrom
9. Ryan Getzlaff
10. Evgeni Malkin

Assuming Crosby picks up where he left off before injury (a big assumption, but why not be optimistic?), this is an automatic first overall choice.  But what about potential lingering injuries??

Corey Perry was red hot down the stretch last season, while Steve Stamkos started the year on fire.  If either of these players can sustain the heat through 82 games, they’re a safe alternative to the Crosby lottery.

Similarly, depending on whether the Caps of ’09 or ’10 show up, Ovi & Nic are either superb or so-so picks. It could go either way.

Pick a Sedin and you’re likely still going to get a top 5 scorer, regardless of what else happens in the league.

In short, this year’s top picks all come with a set of pro’s and and con’s.

2011′s Top Enforcers

1. Zenon Konopka
2. Theo Peckham
3. Jared Boll
4. Steve Ott
5. Cody McLeod
6. Sean Avery
7. Steve Downie
8. George Parros
9. Scott Hartnell
10. Derek Dorsett

Konopka is a near lock for the #1 PIM (penalties in minutes) ranking this year.  He was last year’s champ by a mile (307 PIM with 25 majors), plus is now a member of the rebuilding Ottawa Senators, who will be dressing young players and likely losing a lot of games. 

Ben Eager and Darcy Hordichuk will  be interesting to watch in Edmonton too with the loss of Stortini and heavyweight MacIntyre. Neither is a traditional 200 PIM guy, but someone on that team is going to rack up PIMs and these are both candidates.

2011-2012′s Top Rookie Prospects

1. Brayden Schenn, F
2. Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, F
3. Nino Niederreiter, F
4. Ryan Johansen, F
5. Ryan Ellis, D
6. Gabriel Landeskog, F
7. Erik Gudbrandson, D
8. Jonathon Blum, D
9. David Rundblad, D
10. Eric Tangradi, F

Schenn is as close to a sure thing as a rookie ever is.  He’s not 18, is a scoring machine, and will play with top wingers in Philly.  Ryan Ellis is defensive scoring machine and also certain to quarterback the powerplay for years.

Ryan Nugent-Hopkins may not even make the team this year, so that’s a gamble if we’ve ever seen one.

Did you know?

• The brain is made of about 80% water
• Russian astronauts are permitted to carry guns
• Radios in North Korea have no tuning dials (they are preset to government messages)
• While sleeping, cats dream every 13-14 minutes
• Rubbing skin on stainless steel removes the smell of garlic
• “Bookkeeper” has 3 sets of consecutive letters

Does that just brighten your day?